Struggling

I'm struggling with my gratitude at the moment.  I've been trying hard to keep it in the forefront, but I think I'm losing the battle.  This is a moment I just need to write about.  Get it out and move on.

I should be more grateful for our new house.  I'm not.  I'm struggling with our new ward.  They're lovely people, I just miss the Sewell ward where I've made my home for the last 14 years.  I miss the warmth and comfort.  Everyone knew me.  What I mean by that is, they knew me for what I am.  I'm opinionated and less-than-tactful.  But, I'm always willing to help and serve and give.  The people in the new ward don't know me.  I feel rather judged and quite lonely.  Sundays are definitely the hardest days for me.  Kinda like when I was in college.  Sundays were the days I missed my family the most.

I know I'm supposed to pick myself up and be grateful for what I do have.  I'm trying. I really am.  I'm just not sure where I belong right now.  I'm having a hard time with all the moving clutter all around.  My brain isn't working so well because there's so much to think about.  Money is REALLY tight for us.  That's a bit disturbing because there is still so much in the house that we need to do.

I am thankful that Sam's business has increased quite a bit the last couple of weeks.  I'm thankful that we'll all pretty healthy and well.  We have heat in the downstairs.  Upstairs, not so much.  We took out the heater duct work for the upstairs when re-habbing the house.  So, the poor kids have to put lots of blankets on their beds for now.  We'll get them a couple of those radiator heater thingys for the time being as well.

There have been some other stressors that I've been pondering on how to deal with. I think I'm just going to have to fit them in my life and flip the switch to "off" when they leave.  "On" and "off".  I think that's the only way to handle it.  Let's see if that theory works.

This is just a lonely time for me.  I have struggled with it my entire life really.  Especially here in NJ.  It's not an easy place for me to live.  I wonder why God has allowed me to struggle with loneliness most of my life.  Hmmm....don't know.  He took a few of my best friends.  That still really stinks.

I ought to quit writing.  You'll think I'm a basket case.  I'm not really.  Just struggling today.  I'll be better tomorrow.  Monday's actually my favorite day of the week.

For that, I'll be grateful.

Oh, and we'll be having our traditional Family Home Evening on gratitude.  We put up the "Gratitude Tree" for the whole month of November.  I do love the Thanksgiving holiday.  That's something to make me happy too.  See, I'm feeling better already.